Not ready
by cristinaandmeredith
Summary: Set in Season 6 - Christmas AU(ish) - other characters mentioned


Cristina parked her car in front of Mer's house. It was covered with Christmas decorations; Derek's idea, Mer wasn't really into those kind of things. She walked toward the door wondering if to ring the bell or just use her keys. She wasn't sure yet on what was the protocol since Mer and McDreamy got married on that post-it. She went with the second option, it was Derek who called her after all.

"Derek?" She called closing the door behind her.

"You are finally here!" Derek said coming from the kitchen. He was wearing a tuxedo with the bow tie still untied around his neck.

"What happened? Where is she?" Cristina sounded really worried.

"She is on our bed upstairs. We were getting ready for the Christmas party when she just sat on it and started staring into the void!"

"Did you have a fight?"

"No! I asked her what

was wrong, or if she needed anything. She kept staring and then she just said 'Cristina', and that's when I called you."

"Okay. I'm going upstairs now."

"Let me know if you need anything." Derek knew better not to be in the way when Cristina was doing her thing. He wasn't exactly sure about what it was exactly, but it always seemed to work with Mer. He hoped that was the case this time, too.

Cristina gave a light knock on the door, and opened it. Mer was sitting in the middle of the bed wearing her Dartmouth t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants. Her hair was half done, and a silver dress was on the bed next to her.

"Mer? What's wrong?" Meredith suddenly being aware of Cristina's presence in the room, asked

"What are you doing here?"

"Derek called me. What's wrong?" Asked once again while she was sitting next to her on the bed.

Mer looked at her for a moment then started with "I was getting ready for the party. Wait, aren't you supposed to get ready too?"

"I have time. Don't worry about me now. You were saying?"

"I was doing my hair when I started thinking. About me and Derek getting married. Christmas. How it would be nice to have a Christmas party here in the future. With our own kids..." She suddenly

stopped.

"Yeah... and?" Her person encouraged her to keep talking.

"That's when I remembered. I'm late."

Cristina suddenly understood the silence. "You are freaking out." She stated the obvious, but she needed more time to think about their next move. "Yeah!"

Cristina thought about it for a minute, then said: "Okay, I'll go back to my apartment to get ready. You get ready here. I'll buy the pregnancy test on my way to the hotel. You can take the test there, and once we see the result we can decide where to go from there. Okay?" Sometimes she just needed to take control of the situation, especially when Mer was freaking out like this.

"Okay." Mer looked a little relieved.

"What should I tell Derek?"

"Tell him I was being sad because I started thinking about George, and then my mom."

"Okay. Now go get dressed. We are late."

(*)

*How long is she taking to get here?* thought Mer. She was sitting at a table in the hotel's ballroom. Derek was on the other side of the room talking with Mark. Which was good because she was tired of pretending that she wasn't nervous at all. He had been really sweet

with her after Cristina had left earlier, but she wasn't ready to tell him why yet. Not until she was sure there was something to tell. A few seconds later her phone rang with a new message. *I just got in. Meet me in the bathroom.* She got up and started walking toward the hallway.

She got stopped by Lexie. "Hey! Everything okay? You look weird."

"Yeah, I just need to get some air." Mer tried to force a smile in front of her sister. "Oh, Mark was looking for you."

"Thank you! Let me know if you need anything." Lexie was worried about Mer, but she knew better not to push it.

"What took you so long?" Cristina exclaimed as soon as Mer got in the bathrooms' common area. She was wearing a really tight red dress.

"Lexie stopped me on the way. Did you get the thing?"

"It's in my bag. With a mini bottle of tequila in case you need it."

Mer took a deep breath. "Okay, I'm ready."

She took the test from Cristina's bag and went in one of the stalls in front of her. A few minutes later she got out again holding the test between two fingers, almost afraid she was going to break it. She put it on the counter near the sink.

"Cristina?" She sounded almost desperate.

"What?"

"I'm not ready. I'm not ready to be a mom. I can't be a mom right now. I'll be just like Ellis."

"You are not like Ellis at all. Not when it comes to anything besides surgery." Cristina tried to comfort her.

"It's just that I'm... terrified."

"I know!"

There was a sudden knock on the door. "Who's in there? Why is the door locked?" It was April Kepner. "Go away, Kepner." Answered Cristina. "But I need to pee." "Go use the men's bathroom. Maybe you'll find an handsome guy and get lucky tonight." They heard a loud sigh and April walking away from the door.

"That was mean!" Mer said trying not to laugh.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" Asked Cristina.

Mer smiled, then came back to reality. "Has it in been two minutes already?"

"I think so. Do you want me to look at it?"

"Yes!"

Cristina took the test from the counter and took a few minutes to decide the right words to use. She went with a simple "it's negative."

Mer stared blankly at her.

"Mer? You heard me?"

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes. I kind of feel sad."

"I know. Do you want the tequila?"

"No." She was still in shock. Not about the test being negative, but about her reaction.

Cristina sensed it, so she tried to find a way to cheer her up. "Hey. You'll get to be a mom one day. And you'll be a great mom. Nothing like Ellis. Your kids will actually like you."

Mer looked at her trying to hold back tears. "Of course your kids will like their godmother more."

Mer laughed "Yeah. You'll be the best godmother ever." There was a short but comforting silence between the two, then Mer talked again: "Cristina?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You are welcome. Now let's go. There is a party waiting for us."


End file.
